12 Careers To Help you Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
There are many factors to consider when choosing a potential career; pay, prospects the elusive work/life balance. However too few people stop to consider whether their chosen profession would help them survive a zombie apocalypse.
That said, here are 12 potential vocations that could help you endure when the moaning dead finally do shamble into view.
Traversing a sudden infestation of the undead may require a hearty portion of violence, and let’s face it most chef’s are only one f***ed up soufflé away from this at the best of times.
2) Primary School Teacher
Moaning, grasping minions of Satan who never rest, not even for a moment? Yep got it covered.
The ability not to freeze when encountering glassy eyed, shambling, irrationally violent horde means most bartenders will be fine, as they deal with this every Saturday night.
4) Taxi Driver
Knowing the back roads and shortcuts of any modern metropolis could be the difference between life and death should the streets become choked with motile corpses. Besides, taxi drivers don’t like to use an ounce more fuel than necessary, so are perfect for hoarding this precious resource.
5) X Factor Judge
Being tone deaf and therefore unable to hear the agonised screams of those around you is pretty much a prerequisite for the modern X Factor judge, and one that could give them a real edge when the world ends.
6) Landscape Gardener
Ready access to chainsaws, axes, strimmers or, perhaps even, a sturdy wood chipper with which to dispense quick death to the groaning multitude makes this a stand out choice for the smart survivor.
7) Professional Musician
Any survival situation means not knowing where your next meal will come from, making most musicians feel right at home.
8) Bicycle Courier
Weaving in and out of panicked crowds whist ignoring their howls, screams and desperate pleas for mercy are all in a days work for this elite profession.
9) IT Consultant
Being able to move around without anyone even noticing you’re there could easily prevent unnecessary conflict. As could the ability to survive for years without actual human contact.
10) Traffic Warden/Meter Maid
Being constantly surrounded by people who want to rip you limb from limb and eat your still beating heart could be horrifying for some people, but not the vigilant traffic warden, who is just used to it.
11) Estate Agent/Realtor
Possessing the uncanny ability to turn any situation to their immediate advantage no matter how much the odds are stacked against them, make Estate Agent’s nature’s born survivors. Plus the willingness to eat their own children if there’s a sale in it could help them blend in with the undead.
12) Kanye West
A world in which only you exist? Kanye is already there.
Dan Miles is the cult bestselling author of Filthy Still – A tale of travel, sex and perfectly made cocktails. Out now.