Donald Trump’s Hair Announces Separate White House Run

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures and declares "You're fired!" at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, June 17, 2015.  REUTERS/Dominick Reuter      TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY      - RTX1GZCO

Shock news today from the Republican Party with the announcement that Presidential hopeful Donald Trump’s own hair has announced a separate bid for the Oval Office.

In a statement Trump’s hair revealed…

“It’s no secret Big D and I have had ideological differences in the past, but I have been left with no choice but to throw my own hat in the ring. I look forward to discussing the countries problems in the upcoming race, especially those my former mount isn’t interested in – healthcare, wealth disparity, gun control, basically anything that doesn’t involve Mexicans.”

Mr Trump was unavailable for comment but a campaign insider told us,” S**t’s just got real.”

A spokesman for rival Jeb Bush also admitted being deeply troubled by the news.

“All that money and contacts unfettered by Trump’s actual personality? It’s hard enough fighting against the super sized balls up the last two Bushes inflicted on the f****ing country, without dealing with this f*****g bulls**t. I need a f*****g drink. F**k!”

A spokesman for Democrat front-runner Hilary Clinton however welcomed the news.

“Hilary has met Donald’s hair on several occasions and found it refreshingly non-bipartisan, not to mention the senior partner in the whole Trump/Hair dynamic. She looks forward to their first debate.”

Senator John Mccain’s office also supported the move. “Unlike Don himself, his bushy man-fro has served our military with honour and distinction. But then what does John know; he only spent five years in a POW camp that made a crack house toilet look like the Four Seasons. As The Donald keeps pointing out, he’s pretty much just a pussy.”

The latest opinion poll puts Trump’s hair ten points ahead of its former noggin and five points ahead of Mr Bush.

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